A walk through a love lost life
by WaveRider 53
Summary: she was right, he picked his path and she her's. He only wished that she had followed him. That way she would be safe, b/c there a war happening and she's only going to be safe on his side. That's why he joined, but she didn't follow; so it didn't matter.


**The last segment is not nearly as good. It's very hard to write about a flash back that was part of the actual series...and not plagiarize… so if you want just read the snap's flashbacks from book seven instead of what I wrote for the last segment.**

**Anyways…as always I own nothing and just wanted to pay homage to one of my favorite characters.**

**A walk through a love lost life**

"why him?" the words weren't yelled , that's what made her listen, every other thing he said as she passed him he yelled. "out of everybody, why James?" It sounded as if the words nearly killed him.

She paused for a moment, looking at him, trying to see the boy she once knew, the friend she once had. "Sev don't. You're only going to make it worse." Lily said back, her voice was even but on the inside she was falling apart. She knew that this was going to happen at one point back in school. But she never thought it would happen now that they were out.

"I could have taken care of you, I could have been there for you Lily. Why can't you see that?" he pleaded back to her.

At his words Lily nearly choked, "you could have taken care of me?" she echoed.

"yes, I cou—"

"you want to know why him?" she interrupted him, letting her anger flare "it's your fault really. Because when you walked away, I died. You hurt me Sev, you honestly broke me. And you weren't there to pick the pieces up this time like all the other times you hurt me. But James was there. He helped me through it." Lily took a breath recalling all the times that James found her crying by the fire because Sev wasn't talking to her, or because she heard something that he did. She recalled how even though he didn't like him; he understood that she was losing her best friend and therefore part of herself. "I didn't like him. You of all people know that. But after I let you back in, after I forgave you, then you walked away, while in the meantime he never left. I only saw him in a new light because of how much your hurt me. So don't you dare say that you could have taken care of me! You left, you knew I was hurting and you turned your back, the only reason you're here right now is because it's James'. " She placed her had on her bulging stomach, "You don't care about me. You only care that he beat you."

"I don't care that he beat me Lily! I only care about you. I love you."

"don't lie to me anymore Sev." She said coolly, "If you loved me, you would have stayed by me. You wouldn't have left when your other friends told you to. I don't even care that you call me that name as much as you do. I just hate that when they walked away, that you followed them. And I hate the side that you chose."

"Lils.."

"don't Lils me."

"I'm sorry I called you that name, If I could take it back—"

"Mudblood! Severus, I don't care about the name! It's a filthy word but it is just a word! I forgave you for that and you know it! Everytime you did it. You ruined our friendship when you left! My life was falling to pieces you knew that. He killed my parents and still you followed that group. You know they were only going to end up as his followers. Do you really want to be his servant for the rest of your life?"

"it's safety Lily." He said showing her his forearm, she gasped but didn't move back like he thought she would, "Come with me, I can protect you. He wants to kill all the mud—muggle born."

"say it! Mudbloods. Voldemart will kill all the mudbloods." Severus cringed at the dark lord's name used so freely.

"please Lily, he said that he would spare you. Just come with me. Be mine and you will be protected." His eye were earnest, that much she could tell, and it was that that made what she had to do so much harder.

"Severus, I would rather die than align myself with him, and if that means I have to cut you out of my life then so be it." She closed her eyes letting a single tear fall. "You chose your path and I chose mine."

"Lily, please…"

"no." she took a breath, "I'm going to miss you Sev," she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek close to the corner of his mouth, "I really will. But remember this choice was your doing."

"if I wouldn't have joined." He said fast, "then we could have been together?"

"I don't know Sev. Part of me says yes but then part of me says no, James is my soul mate. That I fully believe. I would have ended up with him anyways."

"you don't know that. You don't know that" he muttered over and other again.

"You're right. I don't. But life happened, we can't go back, and I don't want to."

"So you're choosing him?" he asked.

"you already knew that, Sev. Please, don't make this harder for you."

He turned to walk away but then stopped, "when is he due?"

Lily smiled sadly, holding her stomach, "two months, July."

"have any names picked?"

"we were thinking Nicolas."

Severus shook his head, "too much like nearly headless nick" he laughed without humor. "Name him Harry. Harry James Potter. That way your husband goes for it."

"Severus." Lily said calmly.

"your right not my place. Good bye Lily." He walked away from Lily for the last time; how he would have loved to the man she came home to, the man she was picking names with. But she was right, he picked his path and she picked her's. He only wished that she had followed him. That way she would be safe, because there a war happening and she only going to be safe on his side. That's why he joined, but she didn't follow, so it didn't even matter.

**Three Months Later**

"just the name, Albus, I just want the name." Severus pleaded with his old head master.

"why do you want to know the name of James' Potter son?" Albus asked back, he was calm, but then Albus rarely showed his true emotion.

"I just need to know."

"you still love her." Dumbledore said a small smile on is lips. "does that mean we haven't lost you?"

"I was fool. But please put me at rest, I just need to know his name."

"Harry James Potter."

Snape looked up as a single tear ran down his face. "thank you." He turned and started walking out of the office.

"Severus, it is never to late."

Severus paused and nodded, not once turning around and made his way out of the head master office.

**One year Later**

"GET IT OFF OF ME!"

"You know as well as I do, that nothing will take that off." Dumbledore sat calmly at his desk, as Snape thrashed around the room, wrenching at his forearm.

"He killed her! He told me he wouldn't kill her! She's gone, Albus! Gone, dead!"

"did you really trust him to spare her?"

"he promised." Snape said weakly, "I loved her. I still love her." Snape flicked his wand as a doe appeared, barely there, but still visible.

"Tom promised a lot of things. You can't say that really expected Voldemort to spare her."

"shhu!" Snape said out of habit.

"I will not stop using his name. Fear of a name is silly; it only increases the fear itself. Besides, he is gone now. Harry somehow killed him."

"He can not be killed! You know that!" Snape hissed, quietly.

Dumbledore nodded, "yet it appears that young Harry Potter did just that."

Snape paused, "where is the boy?"

Albus' eyes snapped up to Snape's, "safe."

"Albus!"

"Severus Snape! If you truly loved Lily, then you have to make it up to her. Harry is safe that is all you need to know. That thing on your arm will stay there, but you do not have to listen to it."

Snape sunk into a chair, he face distraught and in pain. "What can I do?"

"Come teach at Hogwarts, you will be safe here. And When Harry comes to our school, do not play favorites, that boy will have everybody else favoring him from the day he learns what he is."

"so he's with muggles?"

"Snape!" Albus said, sternly, not truly raising his voice.

"what shall I teach? Defense against the dark arts?" Snape asked quietly.

Albus eyes flashed for a second, "No. We are in need of a potions teacher. Slughorn just announced his retirement."

"potions?"

"better brush up on it. It's been a few years. Hasn't it?" Albus smiled.

"I can help more in Defense against the dar—"

"I said no."

**Nine years Later**

"you called me, Sir?" Snape asked as he walked through the head master office.

"for God sake, Snape, I said not to favor the boy, but that doesn't mean you have to make his life a living hell, He is not James."

"I know who he is" Snape said grudgingly "he is a slow witted, arrogant, pompous fool. He doesn't study and the only reason he is passing my class and I suspect others classes is because of that Granger girl." Snape strode farther into the room. "You told me not to favor the boy, and I am not. I am treating him exactly how I would treat anybody else that has an attitude like his. But you Albus, you better listen to your advice. You're taking too much of an interest in his life. This will not end well. He's coming back. And he will go after Harry and try to get you through him."

Dumbledore smiled, "I am not afraid of Tom."

"Perhaps a little fear is healthy." Snape muttered as he left the room.

**Three years later**

"I have to ask you something."

Snape looked up from his desk, "Albus. I wasn't expecting you."

"there's no time. Let me see it." With a swipe of his wand Snape shut and locked his office door. " it's darker. I told you it was getting darker, but now, He's back. I can feel it."

Albus nodded as he looked at Snape's arm. "I have a request. But it's dangerous."

"what do I have to lose? Honestly, what more can be taken from me?"

Albus frowned, "still? You still love her?"

"I will always love her."

Albus nodded, still frowning. "When he calls, and he will call. I don't know when or how but when he calls, you tell me and then you go to him."

"if I don't go right when he calls there no point in going back, I will already be dead to them."

"not if you use me as a bargaining chip. Play the double agent."

Snape nodded, "lines are going to get blurry, it will get messy."

Albus nodded, "they only line that matters is the one between you and Lily. Do what is right by her, save her son."

**One year later**

"you were right." Dumbledore slumped into his chair.

Snape stood by some old books, arms crossed. "about what?"

"I let my self get to attached. I saw him. I saw him through Harry's eyes."

Severus eye flashed as he strode over to Dumbledore's desk. "what did you see?"

"Tom's eyes. They were black, and dangerous. They could see me, I know it."

"what does that mean?"

"it means that Hogwarts is not safe. Harry is a straight gate way to Voldemort."

Pacing Snape started to mutter, going over ways that they could fix this. "I could teach him." He said fast and then thought about it. "I can teach him to close off his mind. He's a lazy student, but I know he could learn it if he really tried. He's Lily's son for Merlin's sakes."

**Later that year**

"Albus! He is the most frustrating, arrogant fool that there ever was. He's worse than James and Sirius put together! At least those boys actually focused on important things! He's not even trying. I think he likes the connection. The boy is a fool, and your going to be the one that pays for his idiocy."

"Severus, calm your self."

"calm my self? How can you say that! Have you been watching him? He's not being careful at all. He's putting this whole school at risk, because he feels powerful being connected to him."

"I have not been watching him. I have been trying to keep as far away from him as possible. If he's not trying make him try. Go into memories he doesn't want to see. Don't be so nice."

"trust me, I am not being nice, he just doesn't care."

"then be meaner. Make him want to learn to block you out. Go into memories he wants to forget. Be ruthless."

With a nod, Snape turned, "I know we didn't have a choice, but I don't think this could have landed on a worse choice than Potter."

"don't say that Severus, you know it's not true. He is a excellent wizard, just keep his age in mind, he is only 16."

**Two years later**

"I won't do it!"

"You have to. As a last promise to me."

"I'm not going to kill you!" Snape was in Dumbledore's office, furious. He was pacing and every movement he made was very stiff and jerky.

"I am already dying. If you kill me, it will do three things. Save young mister Malfoy, who does not know what he is doing. Save me from a slow death, and keep you in line with Tom, so you can help save Harry."

Calmed slightly, Snape looked up at Albus, he sat in his chair calmly tapping his fingers together.

"he will come after me next. You know he will."

"you told me once that you have nothing else to lose."

Snape breathed in, "alright. Fine. I'll do it. But I don't like it. And I don't want to do it."

"We all have to do things we don't want to do."


End file.
